The HTF Dating Game!
by DJ Shifty
Summary: Hosted by Disco Bear, HTFs are paired up & sent out on dates! This can't end well... Rated T for near swearing, adult themes, and other stuff.
1. Exploring the possibilities

Hi. I'm DJ Shifty. This is my first story, so be kind with the reviews. Or be a complete ass. Whatever floats your boat.

_I prefer the second option._

Quiet, you. Keep in mind that I was extremely high on sugar whilst writing this, so if your head explodes out of sheer randomness…

_Or sheer horniness._

Yeah… I sincerely doubt anyone finds HTF sexually stimulating…

_You never know._

I never want to know. Anyway, enjoy the story. But beforehand, I present to you… The disclaimer!

DISCLAIMER: I own nussing… NUSSING!

On with the story!

* * *

**The HTF Dating Game, hosted by DISCO BEAR**!

Disco Bear: Hello and welcome, to the HTF dating game!

The audience lazily cheers.

Disco: Show some enthusiasm, or I'll get Lumpy to take off his pants!

The crowd immediately eurupted in a fury of cheers, either because they wished to see Lumpy naked (shudder) or because they didn't want to see Lumpy… naked… I'm not that sure.

Disco: Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Earlier today, we kidnapped- Erm, I mean stole- no, burrowed, yeah, burrowed. We burrowed 6 contestants, and forced them to have a date!

Sniffles: What, all 6 of them dated each other?

Disco: Uh, no… They were split into three-

Nutty: You killed them?!?

Pop: Bastard!

Cub: (laughs happily) Bus-turd!

Russel: Yar!

Disco: NO! We split them into three groups of two!

Splendid: Oh…

Lumpy: Boy do I feel dumb!

Shifty: Tell us something we don't know.

Lifty: Too easy. (hi-5)

Disco: Let's catch up with our first couple!

The door behind Disco slides up, showing Flippy & Flaky seated at a table, both with uncomfortable expressions on their face.

Disco: Well, lovebirds, how was the date?

Flippy: Okay… I may or may not have flipped out…

Flaky: He did…

Disco: Why'd you flip out?

Flippy: I saw the bill.

Disco: Fair enough. But Flaky's still alive, so it turned out better than expected, yeah?

Flippy: WAY better.

Disco: How?

A large grin spreads across Flippy's face, while Flaky turns slightly redder. Disco gets what he's insinuating, and lets out a loud laugh.

Disco: Oh hell yeah! Flippy been hitting that!

Cub: (laughs) hit that!

Mole: (thumbs up)

Flippy stands up and take a bow and the audience cheers.

Disco: Let's hope our next pair were just as successful! Big applause for…

The 2nd door slides open and Petunia & Giggles are seen at a table, both looking extremely pissed off.

Disco: YES! Please tell me you two did the do!

Petunia: Actually, we both agreed that after this goes off the air, we're going to tie you down and castrate you with a chicken.

Disco: Looks like you two got along perfectly! Now kiss and give me huge mega-ratings!

Giggles: (flips Disco the finger)

Disco: At least tell us you kissed before.

Petunia: Well… Maybe once or twice… Or three times… I lost count after 7 drinks.

The entire audience sits stunned. The silence is broken by Disco, pumping his fist in the air.

Disco: OH HELL YES!!!

Cro-Marmot: (imagines Petunia/Giggles and his ice starts melting)

Disco: AWESOME!

The entire audience cheers and whistles. Mime's head explodes out of amazement.

Disco: (wipes tears from eyes) That is worthy of an Oscar… Or Emmy. An award of some kind. Perhaps a night out with me?

Giggles: No.

Petunia: In your dreams!

Disco: I'll drink to that! Ah, I'd love to stay here and discuss your night in much, much more detail, but we have to check up on our final couple!

The final door slides open, to reveal Handy & Tooth making out on a table. The audience fell silent, except for Cub, who laughed happily.

Disco: Uh… Guys?

Toothy & Handy stop kissing and look over at Disco.

Toothy: Hiya, Disc! Wanna join?

Disco: Um… No thanks.

Handy: You sure? Room for more! Please?

Disco: NO I DO NOT WANT TO BLOODY WELL JOIN YOUR GAY ORGY.

Toothy: Okay, no need to shout about it. You could've just said so.

Toothy & Handy go back to making out.

Disco: Ooookay…

Audience continues staring at the two gay beavers.

Disco: Someone do something to distract us from the gay beavers!

Lumpy: I have no pants on!

Cub: (laughs happily)

Suddenly all the lights go out. Everyone is blinded! (Except for Mole, who already was blind and doesn't notice anything has changed.)

Toothy: What's happening?

Cuddles: Who turned out the lights?

Flippy: Someone pinched my bottom in the dark!

Disco: Ooops! Though you were Giggles.

Handy: So what do we do now?

Disco: It's okay! Everyone hold on to someone else!

Cuddles: Ow! Damnit Russel! Why do you have a hook!

Russel: Yar!

Pop: Lumpy, please tell me that's your antler.

Lumpy: That tickles!

Petunia: Hey Giggles!

Giggles: What?

Petunia: I think the shows gone off the air now.

Giggles: So?

Disco: HEY!

Petunia: Get a chicken.

Disco: Hey, what are you doing?!? That's a sensitive area- OW! WHAT THE FU- OW!

* * *

And there you have it!

… _Did you just do what I think you just did?_

It depends, what do you think I did?

_Did you just castrate Disco Bear with a chicken?_

No… Petunia & Giggles did it, not me.

… _You're evil._

Yes, but I'm the lesser of two evils… Or more. I dunno. Anywhoo, if you have a HTF couple you want on the dating game, for Pete's sake say so in the review.

~ DJ.


	2. This show has gone down the drain

Strange…

_What?_

Here's another chapter of the HTF dating thingy. I could've sworn you burned them all.

_WHAT?!? You mean-_

That's right! For some screwed up reason, the show continues!

… _I hate you._

I love you too, dude!

* * *

Disco: Welcome back, to the HTF Dating game!

The audience cheers! Wow! Several HTFs hold up signs showing Disco bend over in pain with a chicken beside him. Good times, good times…

Cuddles: If this show is anything like the last one this'll be awesome!

Giggles: And why would that be, Cuddles? (picks up a chicken out of nowhere)

Cuddles: Cuz you and Petunia wer- Erm, no reason.

Giggles nods her head and throws the chicken away, where it lands on Flaky's head. Flaky screams. Everyone ignores her.

Disco: (random hip thrust)

The crowd stops cheering. Flaky screams at Disco's random hip thrust. Everyone ignores her.

Disco: Damn, why do I always ruin the moment?

Petunia: You're you. If you were to not ruin a moment than the entire world would systematically implode.

Disco: (blinks) Oooookay… Let's just get on with the dating.

First door opens, revealing an empty table. The audience cheers. Flaky screams. Everyone ignores her. An assistant (Mole) quickly pushes a large (and I mean fricking LARGE. Larger than Disco's ego.) TV into the room, and presses the play button.

_Disco Bear was meant to be babysitting Cub, but seeing as how Cub was too busy drinking stuff under the sink, Disco sits his fat ass on the couch and watches TV. Switches channel after channel. Show after show._

_Disco: Seen it. Seen it. Chick Flick. Seen it. Got Pirated copy. Spongebob. Not enough Nudity._

_Who else noticed that the porn channel was right next to the children's channel?_

_Disco: WOAH, hang on, baby!_

_Aw, crap. Disco found the music station. And of all things to be playing, it just had to be-_

_Disco: DISCO!_

_The room suddenly turned white, and when the whiteness faded a Disco ball had popped out of nowhere, there were many flashing lights, and Disco had nothing but his underwear on. And Disco has scary underwear. Cub had the misfortune to finish drinking the washing detergent and go back into the living room, intending to watch Spongebob. Instead his eyes exploded when he saw Disco attempt a hip thrust._

Pop: YOU TOLD ME HE DROWNED!

Yes, Pop. Exploding eyes are a common side affect to drowning. Sodding idiot.

Handy: MY EYES! (attempts to shield his eyes, but can't due to his lack of hands.)

Disco twisted a knob on the TV, and promptly changed the channel.

_The HTF Dating game proudly presents… Toothy & Splendid._

_Toothy & Splendid are seated at a café. While Splendid is carefully reading the menu to ensure that their meal would be free of evil, Toothy just sat staring at Splendid in awe._

_Splendid: Hmmm… The Caesar Salad…He was a slightly evil chap, wasn't he?_

_Splendid then used his laser eyes to burn the 'Caesar Salad' option off the menu, setting fire to a nearby couple in process._

_Splendid: … I dunno, what do you want Toothy?_

_Toothy: (drools)_

_Splendid: You're right, I SHOULD choose for us both! Hmmm… I'm actually in the mood for some Takeout. What say you, Toothy? Wanna Take (me) out?_

_Toothy: (drools)_

_Splendid: Takeout it is!_

_--Time Skip: 20 min later._

_Toothy & Splendid are sitting in a park eating KFC. Well, Splendid's eating and talking about his various heroic deeds, and Toothys just… Drooling._

_Splendid: … And I flew, like, twice as fast as the speed of light! 'Course, poor Giggles couldn't stand the wind and she got ripped to pieces. But it's the thought that counts, right? And another time, I had to stop Shifty & Lifty from selling drugs to schoolchildren! Then Nutty came and ate all the drugs! Turned out, they were selling candy. But I kicked their ass anyway, know why? Because I can! Do you want me to beat your ass?_

_Toothy: Oh… Hell… Yes…_

_Splendid: Huh?_

_Toothy jumps on Splendid and nearly hugs him to death. Splendid attempts to fly away, but Toothy hugs him harder._

_---------Meanwhile, somewhere else--------------_

_Splendont sat brooding in his secret hideaway in which no-one knew about (i.e. His mother's basement) planning revenge against Splendid, cuz he's an evil villain, and that's what evil villains do._

_Splendont: Hmmm… I could blow up the moon… But I like the moon. Ah, screw it! Thinking's too hard, I'ma watch Spongebob._

_Splendont turned on the TV, and sat down with a bag of popcorn to watch Spongebob, one of the most awesome shows ever, according to Splendont. He was just getting into the 'mood' of it when none other that his arch-rival, Splendid, burst through the wall with a rabid fan stuck on his tail._

_Splendont: WTF KNOCK FIRST!_

_Splendid: Argh, HELP! I've got this… Thing… stuck on me!_

_Toothy: (drools and hugs harder)_

_Splendid: IT DROOLED ON ME!_

_Splendont: Oookay…_

_Splendid: HALP!_

_Splendont: Can't talk, watching Spongebob._

_Splendid looked at the TV, where a yellow sponge was sleeping in a giant pineapple._

_Splendid: Can I join?_

_Splendont: Fine._

_And thanks to the power of Spongebob Squarepants, Splendid, Splendont, and Toothy, healed their fragile relationships, eventually turning into a mild disturbing threesome._

Disco turned off the TV and turned to the crowd. Half still couldn't get over the whole 'Disco's Dirty Dancing' clip and were twitching, while the other half was busy cheering for Toothy.

Disco: Well… Ahem… Let's check up on our next couple… Mmmkay?

2nd door opens, and its Lifty & Shifty! Wait, what?!?

Disco: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Shifty & Lifty smile and wave to the audience.

Flaky: Do you think they know this is a dating game?

Flippy: (watches Shifty laugh and non-chalantly steal a spoon) I doubt it.

Disco: Okay, this show has defiantly gone down the drain.

Lifty: Why are they staring at us?

Disco: Because, well… This is a… Dating… game.

Shifty: Oh. Who's the lucky couple?

Disco: You are.

Lifty: … Ohhh…

Shifty: Mother f…

Handy: What should we do?

Lumpy: Cabbage equals lolsack!

Handy: … Okay. Non-dumbasses, what should we do?

Giggles: KISS! KISS!

Cuddles: (shrugs) KISS!

Russell: YAR!

Mime mimes kissing, unfortunately right next to Cub. Pop whacks Mime with a rolled-up newspaper for being a paedophile.

Entire audience (minus Mole, Mime & Cro-Marmot, since they don't talk): KISS! KISS! KISS! Etc.

Disco: If you can't beat them join them. KISS!

Shifty: Pretend you're kissing a girl.

Lifty: Which one?

Shifty: Jeez, I don't know! Ah, screw it, I'm outta here!

Shifty attempt to get up and walk away, but trips and falls over, landing on top of Lifty. Yes in a lip lock. The crowd cheers happily, not in the slightest minding that they just created incest.

Lifty: Woah, this brings back memories.

Shifty: Scary, life-scarring memories.

Disco: Let's give these lovers some privacy.

Shifty: Wait, what?!?

The door shuts on Lifty & Shifty, and Disco Bear checks his watch. At that exact same moment, all the lights go out.

Nutty: (laughs)

Cuddles: Damnit! Nutty ate through the electrical wiring!

Handy: That's it! I'm gonna strangle him!

Petunia: Hate to burst your bubble, but you have no hands.

Handy: Yes, I do. See, they're right here!

Petunia: … Those are your feet.

Disco: Looks like that's all we have time for. Until next time-

Giggles: You mean next time you'll be someone else?

Disco: - I'm Disco Bear, and- Hey, who stole my wallet?

Lifty & Shifty: (laugh)

* * *

I don't think it's as good as the first chapter, but I've been busy lately.

_Doing what?_

Watching Spongebob. Review if you want to, and requests are accepted.

~ DJ


End file.
